Pencils
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Heavy Rains – Moosladhar Baarish :))
“thats too much of saliva” she said;
“but u only told u liked it the french way”,
“dude this isn't french”, {i knew it, those were not the right kind of films}.
KInto udugi channagedra can't let her go that way and i don't want to turn to Enrique's “don't you forget about me baby; don't you forget about me now........” .
Oh you done with previous blog and wanna know how this started, well actually i too don't have any idea how it started but it did and that too in a big way......lemme recollect, where were we when the reports last came in, oh yeah !!! we were chatting and the best thing about girls is that (pause) they are girls....nahi??
Baarish contd.
Ank: “kuoon ni hai, koi pasand nahi aaya”;
Polo: “nahi aisa nahi hai, there is this one guy but he never asked me” with a face, ohh i didn't even described how she looked, choodo na anyways nothing is more powerful than imagination.
“99% of the grls are dressed, rest 1 % are in my dreams”- APJ
Ank: “he might be an asshole, i mean who could say no to such a beautiful grl”
Polo: “ :) ”
Polo: “arre, u didn't even told me where you from” --{abe ankush baat palat rahi hai}
Ank: “Saharanpur , UP”
Ank: “you” {waise mujhe kya, par, pooch Ankush pooch }
polo: “Mumbai”
Ank: “wow nice place, correct haan”
Polo: “Yeah, so hows life at IIT R” {yeh kaha se baat aa gayi, ab yeh BC karegi}
Ank; “it's good”
TRiN TriN, TriN TriN...........Bach gaye
“hello, haan”, “kya huya tumko”, “yeh sab pee kar mujko hi call kuoon karte hain, ...........................”, “will get back to you, abhi thodi busy hoon ”
Ank: “so what are you doing” {after some mins of silence, saala baat hi shuru nahi ho rahi thi}
Polo: “i just completed my graduation”
Ank; “wahan to kafi ladko ne propose kiya hoga” {yes Ankushh, you could do it}
Polo: “haan, matlab mujhe samjh hi nahi aata unhe mujhme kya dikhta hai” {now thats a tricky one}
TUMNe mujhme kya dhekha 3 pointer
1.first stage – babe, thats what m working for ;)
2.second stage – kaise bataye kuoon tujhko chaye....
3.third stage – haan exactly, thats what i m wondering, “kya dhekha..."
Monday, October 11, 2010
Baarish: the love story of opposites.....
world is perceptive (pause), {}
but fuck, yes fuck my “frnd” is receptive.......the harder u fuck, the harder u are getting fucked.......
CAUTION: grls and that too under 18 stay away.......
a girl almost fainted after reading this stuff; looking straight at this guy with the cutest smile she said “issne likha hai ye”.......with a jerk jisse ni padta mujhe koi fark, she turned around looking straight at the screen of her lappy she said “grow up”
Boolte hai oppsosite attracts, aur maine soocha (yup once again) that the droplet of water that fell on my face was Baarish lekin wo to aage waale ka kulla nikla, gud gud gud gud aaaaa thoooooooo, do i need to repeat this stuff wasie bhi i had to wipe the previous one as well; train wrain mein m telling u kuch bhi ho jaata hai. The last time i was traveling, i saw some deaf and dumb guys talking in their sign language and suddenly i thought shukra hai saale ladke hai nahi to farzi pyaar shyaar ho jaata. “Beautification of language* conditions apply”
“Polo” haan yahi naam tha uska, nahi nahi kahani yahan se shure nahi huyi pehle mumbai ki jhamjham baarish, phir bheegi ladki, phir ek phone, phir dossra, phir tesra bas kya kisi ki yaad aa rahi hai mujhe to aayi thi....Accha wo chhodo ek ladka (love story banani hai bhai), jaise protective relay but Polo was to like auxiliary and tripping relay (google it, doodle it).
Nazre mile, dil dhadka, aur tabhi bazo waale uncle ka concept nikla, bole “beta jawani ka josh hai pyaar wyar” and for some moment i looked at the lady sitting next to him “Aunty” and thought “kya sachi” (pause) “haan sachi”. Uncle bole “coffee kodi, strong” and he started with his concept which was: heart is a myogenic muscular organ found in all animals with a circulatory system (including all vertebrates), that is responsible for pumping blood throughout the blood vessels by repeated, rhythmic contractions. With a special stress on pumping i donno why; but then he said neeche dhekho confused i looked around and he said “wahan” nahi “wahan” i was to shocked heart was actually pumping blood !!! uffff kuoon matlab “bbataya to jhamajam baarish, bheegi ladki, aur mera bluetooth ON tha”
After explaining me his concept of love he went towards the girl, had some conversation which was enough for me to realize “volume kam kar papa jaag jayega”; he was her papa. Calmly he came back, sat next to me i was to still looking “wahin” but this time either the heart stopped working or his concept had some bugs(yipee look at the smile at her face, kaun bole to, sonam kapoor, she was the one who believed in love stories).
Ab jaise ki local train or acche cllg mein hoota hai competition exist only to the point u enter the train and grab the available seat uske baad even the guy who was fighting minutes before turns soft, mostly :) Exact thing happened and we never realized when we entered into conversation nope not d girl but her dad, Ankush and her mom who was entering into conversations at regular intervals that too whenever she had something to offer (should i mention eatables) to which Sinha uncle would gladly strech his long hairy arms and as they say God has planned something better for me that day because after getting hold of the eatables the only route through which the food can be imported to Sinha uncle was by paying a custom duty to me and hence he had to offer me the same; after a couple of hesitated no from my side i gave up and thought AAN DO and i ate almost every thing that was offered (waise bhi its difficult to say NO to “a” or “the” girl and the dish u love pass by; aur wasie aaloo ke paranthe the wo).
But this time i was looking into his eyes, confidently, and he said apne badi beti ka admission kara ke aa rahe hai manipal unversity mein. And i realized dude this time u r gonna live next 24 hrs on the other side of it, being in college u always see the side where a guy feels bad for lets say couple of hrs until they have a daroo party lined up with new friends and a girl feels bad for lets say an hr more than couple of hrs that guy took in order to realize he is the one and than what happens is “go on and on”
But idhar scene thoda different tha pehla the girl i was line maaring had a father i mean aisa nahi hai ki girls i line marred didn't had father; they all had and a single one; but this time he was sitting next to me aur waise bhi it was only after they said NO i wished what i thought earlier jhoot ho jaye aur iske do teen baap aur nikal aaye ya isko mera dil dhukane ki aise saza mile ke zor se aaye(kya matlab) aur kahi jagah na mile, Just Imagine.
With Sinha uncle sitting next to me, i was wondering iski suno ya iski beti ki; waise he too was an intresting personality in himself with a habit doing this thing with his fingers(i know, thats why i mentioned fingers with an “s” attached, not finger w/o that “s:”) that his palm were in regular motion with contraction and expansion happening at regulat intervals, i could observe the regular rythmic motion in his palm throughout the conversation about his elder daughter.......but still i utilized every oppurtunity given by Mr. Sinha to catch a glimpse of Polo lekin somehow i was glued to the conversation which include a gamut of things like “pata nahi kaise jayegi cllg it takes 1 hr daily, maybe we should buy her a scooty, pata nahi mann lagega ki nahi pehle baar akele rehen jaa rahi hai(aur mein soocha agar mast huyi to itna mann lagega ki tum bhi yaad rakhoge), and then came the stunner “Agli fees kab jayegi”, and many more such worries which eventually looked like what they call it “the life”. In between they received a call from their elder daughter and guess who answered the call; yes Mrs sinha got hold of the phone and the first thing she asked “khana khaya” and when u feel that saying “yes” might save you then came the next one “kya khaya” , kuoon ni khaya???? juice wuice pete rehna bete” and a few more which i couldn't remember as my attention was on Polo (PINg pong song; enrique) i was looking at her and suddenly i realized "papa jaag jayega", and thank god this time he was not looking at me atleast for the moment he was actually enjoying the window seat(its hard to understand why people still go for window seat even in AC coaches). Bato bato mein pata nahi chala and it was time for the middle berth to be put in its place & MR and Mrs Sinha were sleeping without wasting any time. Bas phir kya mauka mila to chauka to maarna tha and i donno how i found myself sitting next to this girl POLO and she was to jaise super cool and it started “kya kar rahe ho” {if this question arose lets say a year or two back i would have said the right thing but being a marketing student ek baat pata thi brand is an aspiration; aur soocha koonsa long term karna hai; MAJE hi to lene hai} “i just completed my MBA from IIT Roorkee, currently working with SIEMENS” and bang on!!! her eyebrows said it all and plz don't ask me why Roorkee i mean jhooth aur naada sahi size ka hi theek rehta hai”.
Dead end was far away now she to just opened up i always wanted to “do this” “do that” and some “bull shit”{u can remove the word Bull} to which u have to listen and appear interested at the same moment......wtf who cares. And then “GF hai tumhari”..... “nahi hai” was the reply with a facial expression saying yes, yes yes......and she actually believed that or atleast appeared to belive that; (oh u forgot i graduated from IIT R ;) Ab meri baari “BF hai tumhara”.......... “nahi hai, matlab 4-5 ladko ne propose to kiya hai but nahi hai”. NOW this is sales SPIN model where u increase ur desirability factor (waise according to my prof. Need feel karao), maine kaha bete aan do......
Sunday, August 8, 2010
“VIDHI” ka vidhan......;)
well well well “give me some sunshine, give me some rain” take sales u will get “d sunshine” and “d rain”; oops can try marketing as well [;)]
Waise marketing/sales isn't that bad, sachi
where was i; oh yeah the last time when it rained in bangalore i was in Gujrat and was thinking “Ankush, PGDM te kuch fayada kitha ni. After 7 (4+1+2) long years of intellectual masturbation, if i could use the word.....u know intellectual and all; all i got into is SALES. And being a part of “the” industry i realized one thing that for some it might be intellectual but for the rest of us its just a phase, a phase of building farzi aspirations() & farzi dreams() with the desire to excel but with the efforts of excel sheet !!! and still they say “abe engineer hoon be”, even i might have told the same...........par pata hai kya they call it destiny i call it "rest ni" & finally found myself using open air bathroom, wtf, rocket singh”.
Ab kuoonki loog alag, soch alag, “degree alag”; i realized the difference this time being in marketing i found “marketing ka banda hoon STP ke alawa bhi bahut kuch sochta hoon”
This part of blog is called “khisyani billi khamba nooche(KBKN) apne aap ko Marketing ka banda sooche but in the end raste ka maal saste mein beeche”
Started my tour from Surat, my first marketing experience came via gujrati thali “good food and that too at 75 bucks for an unlimited meal was just like being in Kiams and updating your orkut or no orkut status to “committed” within the first 15 days. Waise kuch bhi sooch lete hai loog, doosre ki shirt mein haath pooch lete hai loog.......
Inspired by Gujrati thali i thought let me try some personal marketing as well and questioned kaise patai jati hai ??.......par thode hum late, thode wo “india gate”; ek to bheed, doosra shaeedo ki tasveer . Koi ni being a student of S. Anantram, marketing is what i live and consumer behaviour is what m trying to learn kuoonki sirf Bank balance se pata hai na kaun influence hota hai (be kya sooxch rahe ho)...........Anantram silence..............jiski demand jyada hoti hai aur uski Maslow heirarchy “social needs” se shuru hoti hai. Inspite of having a good market share and high market growth rate, 99% cases mein disinvestment hoti hai (DOGS, nahi) and for the rest 1% they love, love stories esp. the making part of it :P yes yes KBKN huh :(
Waise did u by any chance found urself trapped in this new flick I hate love stories. Wow u actually did....so was i....but as i say life is a learning experience esp for students of consumer behavior i learned a few things, na not from movie but from the gang of girls sitting next to us(i won't answer that, huh kisske saath). “Is she wearing a table cloth”, “dude what the fuck” , “OMG!!! look at her”, “hai Imran kitna cute lag raha hai, ekdum chocolate, bite maarne ka mann kar raha hai”
Nope i wasn't the one who was saying all this shit and many more, they were (GOG) and suddenly i found “saala paise picture ke diye hai dialogue GOG ke sun raha hoon” And i realized women power the girls from christ cllg made us conscious....and so were the group of guys sitting in the next row. Waise the movie was bad esp when it turns out to be a FAD :)
And it began saala ek gandi si situation and the divas (bina light everyone appears snowhite) were enjoying, na na not the movie but the fun of being in the group and i thought “United they giggle divided they KISS!!! and then a sudden a burst of laughter, lighting fast was the entry (call it unexpected) and so was the exit..........lekin uske baad to something happened to this fellow from the guys group i think he was marketing ;) but poori picture hasta raha “ganduoon” ki tarah........aur i was wondering abhi to sirf “wo hasi” to yeh haal huya saala what would happen to this guy on the D day, he surely might be sharing the exp of queen's 7th husband who knew POP, but not POD.....
To kaha tha mein, haan 75 ki thali aur usme farzi gaali de daali, chal koi ni iss bahane thoda ganga naha le :) haanji first and foremost let me describe how a thali looked, it has some 5 bowls even smaller than yours(thats what i thought while in queue and someone would ask bowl dena and fatak my mind would say “do hi to hai, kis kis ko de do; wo aage waala bhi maang raha tha”. Haan haan paanch katori aur uske baare mein saari baat hori......the first time they serve, it would only be spoonful of everything and what happens next is pampering (just the way u like it). There was an aura of marketing or atleast i felt it that way, even before u start they would be ready to serve and everytime qty. remain unchanged but the number of follow up would be high to such an extent that sometime even before u start they might ask “Aur Laon”. And they serve happily for the second time and the third but with every “Aur Do” from your side the frequency of service reduce and you also start feeling “bahut ho gaya yaar, aur nahi, what they might thinking”. After all in the end it doesn't even matter how much!! but what matters is “percieved” how much, so what started as a apetite turns out to be experiential marketing. And you come out satisfied, look around, look around for babes(remember women power), and finally thats what decides whether u have any further plans for going 4 a walk or just want to relax........
Sunday, July 11, 2010
All india permit...
Bole to log alag soch alag, mein alag tu alag........no offence blog......
Hi i am ankush kapil, did my engineering in electronics and communication and an Mba from one of the finest institutions in India. Basically engineering gave me a way to think and attitude to question things as to why, when, where; “Chutiye aur bewkoof mein ek dhage ka antar hota hai”; subah utha to mathe pe chutiya likha tha ya nahi, pata nahi; but yes “butt” par all india permit likha jaroor mila” JUST IMAGINE ;) Matlab great hai ji traveling and all.........life rocks, on the rocks. And I took marketing as my majors because i realized thats where my core competancy was.
DAY One: (Bangalore)
Fresh, yes that's how i felt on the first day to work. And i boarded a bus that had enough parking space and i choose one. Ahh i was enjoying the ride and then suddenly i felt some halchal in my senses and guess what could be the reason, yes the lady who parked in front of me and suddenly u realize everything has changed (CAUTION: this isn't any article in debonior or play boy mag, remember “family blog”) .......OMG she was tall, dark and heavy!! The smell that she wore made me realize “idli, sambhar mein dosa khao, kannada movie ke gun gaon, mind it”. The freshness that existed now coexisted with the aroma of jasmine and the smell of “the” coconut oil. And i thought wah its different than our place...... log alag soch alag, mein alag tu alag.
But on the way back home i realized that indianess too existed, I was travelling in this bus that gave similar experience to the ones in Delhi, matlab khakhach traffic except for “salpa” “salpa”, “pass kodi”, and few others.
Frustated, yes thats how i felt on the way back home, frustated because of that smell and it wasn't the familiar one. Instead this time it was the armpit of fellow passenger strategically placed so that i don't even miss a bit of that smell and i wondered “loog alag soch alag, mein alag tu alag........par naha to sakta tha wo :(
DAY X (koi to din tha)
It would have been around 11:30 AM or so and i was riding this new bike of mine to work.......
What, What did u just thought “abe ankush ne bike kab li??”, Ab tum aisa karooge (Batao kiska dialogue hai, na na it isn't Sahu), its a story it ought to be different, acha chalo no lies only french fries. Haan bhaiyya i was “bus ed”[new word, hehe, newton ko ratwaonga]. I was “bus ed” and that too window “bus ed”. I was kind of switched off, might be thinking of you......and suddenly i saw “another bus” and “another face” that looked different......and i thought “abe yeh kar kya raha hai” and then i saw his hands up in the air and i thought “jao chahe dili, mumbai, agra; haath utha ke he ek indian naach raha” and finally i found something thats doesn't justify attack on Indians in Austraila, US or UK, if there are any........
DAY Y (Gujrat)
As soon as i entered Gujrat i was seriously looking out for one thing, it was a kind of Market Research; well i was trying to figure out if the “sample population” was the true representation of the “entire population”; because the sample size as u know bahut kam tha and becoz yeh dil maange more and it would have been a treat if sample size could have been increased. HEHE, no offence only defence.....kya bol rahe ho!!! u didn't thought like that, i mean the way i put it, i mean, i to, matlab aife kaife.....so u are not interested in the results.......no demand, more supply, promotional schemes 70 % off.........company closed!!!
Fine lets talk of something different, the few things that made the mark were Gujrati Thali (that deserve another blog), Dry state - not even a single drunk man/woman, women empowerment, and “ghusa do traffic”.
DAY Z (Nxt stop: Punjab)
to be continued.........
Friday, June 25, 2010
Laqshya
When I was a kid I always wanted to be the “prime minister” and declare almost every day spent at school as a public holiday hota ni tha baadal aaye and we used to wish hey bhagwaan barish kara de, chutti dila de…….baad mein to it too changed and it was like “hey bhagwaan Baarish kara de, paani barsa de, bagal waali ko bhiga de :P, But as time flew imagination came under control (limited edition) u dream of something realistic but its big (it ought to be, it’s a dream; like I dream of u) and I to dreamt of getting into NDA waise mere bagal waala dreamt of getting into IAS, kasam se mine was one big fucking dream (baad mein pata chala bagal waale ka bhi), What a life that was, if I could divide (yes I can, why can’t I) there were two categories of people one who knew what they wanted from life and these were the show stoppers baaki hum tum to sirf “TAALI” bajate hai, and the “taali.com” people like me help in the economic growth of nation by investing in the sector jahan dreams are “raped”; expectations are “fucked” that too without protection! ! ! Commercialization of education,,,,,,,,,,welcome to the biggest bazaar, bazaar hai bazaar!!!
Well that was teen age and as this adolescence thing went away and you land up in what u call twenties; things change now the laqshya of your changes to marrying a not so beautiful not so brained mammal instead all I wanted was “gori ho ya kaali par ho paise waali” hheheheehe saw the contrast pehle PM, phir assisting PM and now marrying PM’s daughter……aim changes nahi……..for me it did ;)
Then what??? Suddenly at ./././22/23/24/25/././. you realize “bro” you have landed in danger zone and public ki vote decide karegi will u survive or you have to revive [referral recruitment and bull shit] and then suddenly this laqshya of your changes to getting into something BIG (achievable, like the ticket for the movie Raavan; others might come out of the movie asking AISH kise saath gayi, but u feel kiske bhi saath gayi ho paisa ussi ne wasool karaya…..drop dead gorgeous !!!!), something GREAT (well basically something you can be proud of) and that’s when u see the bigger picture of life “What next.” Bas bas bas jahan ye soocha, uss din sit back and relax samajh jaana sahi track pe ho; aaj line mili to kal ladki bhi mil jayegi
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Modern biased India
Bull shit it’s all bull shit………that’s what I feel when I see people around, they are all “B-I-A-S-E-D”, they all are; including me. To begin with let’s check out the oldest slang which says “tum karo to pyar, hum kare to emotional attyachar”. Sahi hai CAT mein jyada score to usne ek do question sahi kare hoonge; hai to hamare level ka, lekin jiska kam score(hainji) wo saala bewkoof….….
Hum doosre ke grlfrnd par line maare, that’s fun (aish hai yaar wo to, saali kya maal thi), aur koi hamari DOST (gaur farmayega DOST) ko dheekhe(bas dhekhe) to haramipanti…...
Haina it’s quite ironic……..par pata hai usse bhi maze ki baat kya hai; have u seen Uday Chopra starrer PYAR Impossible matlab poori movie was about love, looks, paisa (girls + successful man thing). Par ussme bhi “Uday or should I say GEEK Uday” falls for the sexiest girl in town( hehehehe) aur poori movie he tries to make her realize how bad it is not being known(average looks, average money and stuff) matlab kamal hai yaar yeh to, Jaya Bacchan ko bhi Amitabh pasand aaya……khud to GEEK chori chali nahi and u expect that from Priyanka [hot and humid Priyanka ;)
Kuoon hota hai aise, khud ke liye ke Katrina aur doosre ke liye deserving/non deserving issue kuoon aate hai, why inspite of being an average sabko Bill gates hone ka chaska hota hai, lekin for others we know what’s his/her caliber is.…..kuoon doosre ke ipod khone pe hansi aati hai chahe agle ke pasine choot rahe hoon, aur apni pencil ka bhi gam hota hai. Kuoon doosre ki girlfriend “PROSPECT” lagti hai aur apni ke liye “RESPECT” jagti hai……
keh doo ki yeh jhoot hai; nahi to mein kehta rahoonga modern biased INdia……