Killer GD.…..

Job opening: Marketing Executive

Qualifications: MBA with 2-3ys exp!!!

Every time, every single time a fresher looking for a job reads such kind of ads, the feeling that he come across is BEAUuuuuuTIFUL……….What??? (what happened, I mean why is that expression on your face, what man are u suffering from constipation or what??................aaaah u too a fresher right) chill man I was just kidding. Now that I am sure that I am reaching the right target audience “pull up your underwear” (socks is bit too old, doesn’t go with the image) because I m going to give u fellas some “gyaaaaan” and 4 those who are thinking how m I eligible answer lies in the advertisement soocho na when organizations want people with exp kuch to benefit hota hoga experience ka and I m having a good one w.r.t. the blog; m 21 not out;) just retired and hurt J

So hair we go {ahh yes lost a couple of them “ma precious” (lord of the ring style)}, u don’t believe me don’t you!!! ask a bald man what does he want "the" most in life. And asshole!!! why are u asking ma phone number, stay away from me I am not that bald………..do I ???? oye hoye kutte jhoot hi bol deta....…..haan ji; so what I was upto???…..oh yess “GD”, I would love to share few golden rules for them:

Pehla: “SPEAK,speak in public” and as they say charity begins at home, BC begins in classes…..”ullo ke pathe” u can’t speak in classes and you expect u will crack a GD; wahan to sab chu@iya hi baithe hai, nahi?? So, bhailoog if u want to crack a GD, first collect the balls to drive ur prof nuts; kaise poocha to jutte maroonga………….aah ur lucky day, just forgot ma shoes in room 4@@ ;)…….aayo suano “jhak” ke ek kahani; ek tha ladka ek thi faculty sayani; dono bhidne lage the jaise ladne ne lage the; par ladke ne haar nahi thi maani, STP ko sahi karne ki thi thaani; Dono GD karne lage the bacche darne lage the aur class mein ho gayi mara mari; aao suanao professional jhak i.e GD ki kahani……………so if u want to make it to GD, learn to speak what u think and speak as if u r the chosen one, Speak….

Doosra: if u r attending a sales interview (kacche le lo kacche, nara free) FIGHT, f-i-g-h-t…………show them u r the joker from the movie dark knight, show them u r langda tyagi from omkara, show them u r “aaaooo” shakti kapoor, show them u don’t find it difficult to interrupt people, show them u r aggressive(remember survival for the fittest, 100% true in this case) or in other words show them boss I don’t need opportunities, I CREATE them.

Teesra: if you are attending a GD for the post of management trainee, show them u can think (and m not talking about ur dreams eeeeww!!!) saalo padh liya karo thoda bahut newspaper Viagra(dreams uhh) it might help in this case. Remember what u speak is important, quality matters!!!

Xtras: PEST analyisis try kar sakte ho, if topic is inflation remember only one thing “demand supply” kaise bhi karke daal do and u will get thru(personal experience:)), if situation goes out of control seeti baja ke bool better luck nxt time, BC kismet kharab hai iss baar!!!

When fantasy(ies) come true, BEWARE!!!

Sometimes I wonder (seriously I do) am I ageing faster than others (nome, how can I), do I miss the FUN (ofcourse I do) and and I wish(big time) I was the same Ankush playing gully cricket(ohhh I played a lot kabhi 2rs, kabhi 3rs mila ke ball lana, doosre hi over mein ball gumana, phir se kabhi 2 rs, kabhi 3rs milana) I wish I remained the same “Kushe”(that’s how my mom calls me) playing hide and seek till dusk……"ghar aake pehle daanttt khana, phir khoob sara khana kha ke “chitrahar” ke liye baith jaana, raat mein 9-10 baje tak soo jaaana aur sapne mein kabhi Gems, kabhi crux, kabhi bhooto se milne jaana, subah uthke poochna yeh pani kisne daala mere upar ;), aaye haye geography teacher ka mast lagna, oye hoye school ka leg cricket aur bahut kuch na jaane kya kuch”, I wish I've never turned 25(matalb iss umar jo jo hota hai, wahi sab). Donno why but I have lost the tranquility that existed before and m sure things gonna get worse in future (loog bolte hai, aur wo kehte hai na; jo bolte hai sach bolte hai yeh duniya waale). There is some chaos within and I just wanna run way(linkin park way, kasam se give it a try pehle thoda mood kaharab karo, waise jaroorat to nahi hai, ho hi jayega kisi na kisi baat par, phir stretch ur arms the TITANIC way, volume full, headphone chalo, sit back and “bang” “bang” u gonna live it) I wanna run way for sure because when fantasies come true I should have known that these are not the lasting ones(this is what they call human psychology, u r the king of good times, and for the rest u r bunch of “assholes”). There were days when I said "THANK GOD" for bringing my fantasies to life, giving me moments that were most sought after and there were days when I felt like saying "FUCK U GOD", because they said “God help those who help themselves” and I thought if I had to do it all by myself, then what is there to ask for ;)

There were instances when I looked “sideways” and then up in the sky(filmy way) and thanked GOD for making things happen but as they say it “Soocha na tha”, I should have been much more realistic, I shud have been more practical, I shud have done this, I shud have done that, but ultimately we all are puppets to his hands. HEHEhe don’t believe that…..Good then u r the one who is to be blamed, who asked you to set things loose, and where was your conscience.

There u were enjoying ur fantasies just like 9’0 clock pudding, I mean days when there were no twist in your kahani and u didn’t want any!!!!, and things appear perfect ( just P-E-R-F-E-C-T) and one fine moment…….PooF……and its all gone u realize “beta Ankush tere to lag gayi, tagade waali” …………...KHA THA NA BEWARE………….But then u realize courage is not when u hold a gun and say fuck off, instead it’s when u see things coming and have guts to say c’mon baby m ready.And believe me if that’s ur attitude u won’t need GOD for covering up for you, rather u will need him to see to it that u remain human when u taste success.

P.S……………i luv u God, Iss kahani ke GOD kalpanik hai……………..i hope God isn’t reading this…………

RHTDM-reply

Note: {{.......}}--represents what i felt at that moment.........here we go

Dear ank with interviews flunk,

I like u too but m already committed, srry{{le, ho gya kaam}}, this guy is from MIT and planning to study further in Harvards{{oops I forgot to mention we too have one faculty from @arvards, yeah yeah big deal, par iss saali ko kaun samjhaye}}. I don’t want to brag about him but he is a 6ft 2’{{is this any indication of size, I mean of some sort}}, was offered a modeling assignment which he had to refuse because he was working with Google that time{{aah the chap is working with google, I hope he too get lost somewhere within; such that even google can’t find}}. And u know what when Google hired him, they paid him thrice as much as Microsoft did{{I will love u thrice as much as he did, leave him!!!}}. Beside that he too wrote the same letter a year before and this time when I enquired about the similarities he innocently replied that he copied it from a blog “pencilbhagat” but told me he does share the same feelings {{see I knew that there might be some similarities between us, warna u might not have fallen for that Haverford,jackass}}. Oh I just luv him!!!{{luv me, luv me, luv me, sallu style}}. Isn’t that beautiful he loves me{{yes it is, atleast u r happy now :( }}. And by the way you shudn’t indulge in love shove and all that; uske liye tera roomie hai na J{{hahaha, vfunny}}
And congrats Ankush, heard that you bought a new bike{{ohh she remembers, see I knew I was important, aaaawwww I luv u}}, I know it’s a special moment because when he bought his customized Harley Davidson he was crazy about it {{I m gonna, I feel like, grrrrrrr!!}}. He is too choosy about what he owns like last time when we met he gifted me Prada dress {{kabhi aana tu meri gali tujhe palko pe rakhoonga ji, “saala BC chu@iya banate hai loog”, it shud have been “kabhi aana tu meri gali tujhe PRaDA gift karoonga ji”}} and I was so thrilled. But anyways we can meet if u don’t mind I m going to visit ma aunt’s place could u drop me there and yes the cooler u fixed last time isn’t working could u please fix it up{{pal bhar ke iye koi hamme pyar karle jhoota hi sahi, Casonova once said “be the flame not the moth, I say be the moth atleast u have the pleasure of dying in your lover arms, and m sure she can’t be that rude to let u down this time ;)}} . Aaaaawww u r so sweet{{hai Ram kisi din marr hi java gaan, population bahut hai India mein & so are the measures of population control; this one is "the" worst........Please aise na kiya kar, please}}.

Occasionally yours
Payal

The bastard who stole my undies….

William Shakespeare once said “in life we always have two options ek fortkut dosra chota fortkut”, umm hmm I know he wasn’t the one who spoke that but then m sure u don’t expect some William Shakespeare stuff from me, isn’t it. Yes, exactly that’s what I wanna blog about, na ji na, it’s not William sir, it’s the lack of C-O-N-F-I-D-E-N-C-E. They say “moh kholta hai to ulta hi bolta hai”, I say m “devil’s advocate”; well whatever might be the reason but there is some fundamental flaw with the “thought process” and contingency or crisis management is to be worked upon. I felt like a fucking loser all ma life, nope may be just a loser!! But kya hai yaar I never had the guts to say “yes I can” or “yes I will” instead I kept saying its difficult, mere se nahi hoga; but then I wanted to be confident, I too wanted to flirt with life
M sure couple of us out there feels the same way, for them “Nothing worth gaining was ever gained without effort”. And for others wondering how “The bastard who stole my undies” and “confidence thing” gel up, well m sure there are many(do i need to mention guy) whose "pipped" got "zipped" because of stolen undies…….and the feeling one gets the next day is what we live each and every day…….u want to try but then…….darr to lagta hai ji ;)

What If !!!

What if.........

Wo kehte hai na jo hota hai acche ke liye hota hai……....remeber these lines from the movie ek chaalis ki last local; well if u do, then its good man u still on campus; but if u don’t, then for them one word that describes this feeling would be Stockholm syndrome (we care) haan sach mein because this is what most of us(in campus) are relying on..……..i mean we don’t have any fucking interview lined up except one r two and that too depends because having a interview lined up is same as sitting next to a girl u always admired but unfortunately your balls screwed it all; uff keep ur mind under control(balls + grls doesn’t necessarily mean DING DONG) bole to u didn’t have enough courage to speak up what’s on your mind. But all u could afford is “try” to cajole her, isn’t that bull shit.
Anyways in the end it doesn’t even matter how hard you sleep u have to wake up to this life, second life isn’t a good solution, m telling you. Socho sitting alone in room no. 246, enjoying this coooool afternoon I decided to write another blog because deep down inside I was wondering “tera kya hoga kalia”, the only difference this time was it wasn’t from Gabbar and it wasn’t SHOLAY; it’s our fucked up life hehe. Ab dhekho there are few benefits of unemployment too, like this one u get enough time to introspect and its good u try to drive ur life the way u want; like they say it “following ur dreams”.
BUTT (yes u read it right and a big one) then you are kidnapped by WHAT IF(remember the title) ki saala yeh hota to kya hota, us interview mein aise kiya hota to shayad mein bhi aaj bahar hota, us GD mein shayad jyada/kam bola hota to shayad…………..and u know what the worst part is, at times u feel saaala MBA nahi kiya hota to accha rehta nahi, kaash marketing na li hoti………...aiwai awai kuch kuch to……..but haar ke jeetne waale ko bazigar kehte hai :)

P.S. I love u, was listening to “akele hum akele tum”, that might have affected the mood, with “papa kehte hai” repeated a number of times :))